The Balance of Give and Take
Exploring what it means to embody a practice that equally gives and receives
In its literal sense, the Family Constellation’s Orders of Love profess the importance of mutuality, giving to others as much as you also receive from them. In daily life, this balancing of giving and receiving feels like such a foreign concept. We are conditioned to give and then despite feeling empty, feel obligated to give even more. We may even experience shame or feel wrong to take.
Yet, I was fortunate enough to experience a delightful reciprocity firsthand from the Earth Treasure Vase Global Healing Project. Inspired by ancient Tibetan Buddhist practices, consecrated earthen vases are filled with prayers and buried throughout the Earth. Each full moon, they hold a meditation where the vase is opened and immediately all the offerings and prayers from the vase permeate around those of us present. It is beautiful to experience and filled me with overflowing love. Fed and nourished with this beautiful offering, I was then able to give back, sending my unique gifts to refill the earthen vase for the next recipients who could benefit from another offering.
During my trip to Washington last week, I experienced a different perspective on giving and taking…when I got there, the land, the creek, and the trees called to me. They collectively whispered for me to settle into the ground just as I am, and then to let go…first through my feet. The truth is that I didn’t know how much I still had to let go but oh there was so much heat emitting all that wasn’t me that I had held onto for so long. Once the heat dissipated from the bottoms of my feet, my throat began its course to let go…the screams of grief that had been stuck in my throat subsided into a wail then audible words that formed your story…that was also my story of perceived scarcity and competition that makes one give until they are empty. Lastly my heart began to let go of all that heartache. I stayed there a long time, letting the creek and the wind carry all that I was releasing…until it all rushed away into the rapids.
The Gifts: As I headed back toward the creek the following day, my mind now emptied of the old stories, was delighted to be gifted with the sight of the little white flowers swaying from the wind. I hadn’t even known to ask for these tiny blessings and still, the grandmothers in their imaginings knew this would fill my soul.
My vessel was capable of being filled to the brim with the unconditional love streaming down from my sacred, healed ancestors. The water whispered, “You are a part of me” and when I heard it uttered, I knew it to be true. Water had always played a significant part of my life...whether it was swimming in the ocean, canoeing in the creek, the sliver of sun setting in the ocean from my window where I grew up.
I was reminded that ground and now air and wind were also a part of me. When dad passed two years ago, he gifted me with the special ways he negotiated ground and held space that allowed everyone he met to feel safe, seen and heard. Mom bestowed in me her air and windbender abilities…her ability to see despite her physical blindness…eventually forming a sacred geometry, a through line in what at first glance seemed like chaos…the rainbows that seem to appear now since her passing. Here now, I see these elements in nature as an essential part of my bones.
Readiness to Give Back: Only now repleted…rebalanced, I emerge as a being… rather than a giver...to shine effortlessly in my bright essence as I head back home…to hold space in my being for those around me…grounded from a wellspring of love and grace. Such gratitude bubbles up inside me.